June 26th, 2009 by John Crudele
It seems that social media can invite and sustain connections that we would never have the time for. For me it seems like a perpetual high school reunion and with others, an endless stream of “what’s up?” Some will share of the real, the relevant and the right now. Moments ago I responded to a friend’s essay about her relationship with her father and her healing after a lifetime of hurt, abandonment and struggle. It got me thinking…
It is often an interesting exercise to go back to old journals or “essays” and to read the reflections in the throws of the hurt and then to discover that the hurt was it’s own gift, as it was necessary and preceded the healing. That now, with time, no matter how hard one tries, it is not possible to conjure up the hurt once again, as it is truly gone or placed in the new context of your current life.
I wrote in a poem after crying for the first time in 17 years following the passing of my father… “To hurt to heal becoming real as walls come tumbling down. To know you’re loved for what’s inside, life’s joys can then be found. And in your weakness you’ll find your strength and in your pain your hope. All failure builds into success provided you learn to cope…”
To those who have the courage to embrace the fullness of life’s experiences and your response to them… Trust. Be present. Go there and be still, even should it overtake you. Invite the support of others. These are your emotions, your thoughts, and ultimately the thread to your life lessons, discoveries, and healings. Hope will flow from this.
Know that whatever is going on wants to introduce you to you. Keep reflecting. Keep writing … as with my friend’s “essay,” it first blesses you and then if humbly shared, is a window for others to gain perspective and hope for their life’s journey.
The Essay: “Man with Half a Heart” by Nancy Vogl
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/note.php?note_id=92739914799&ref=mf
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March 13th, 2009 by John Crudele
It seems that the fundamentals of the market have been skewed both ways over the past few years. Was the value truly 14000 and is it really 6000? As recent as 18 months ago there were articles on DOW 18,000 and the perpetual bull market and I think as people borrowed against assets (home and investments) that appreciated in value without any real work or productivity being reflected and provided to the economy. These monies were then spent on items that perpetuated demand. So if a home is refinanced to buy a car and take a trip, etc, then does the supply adjust and jobs created, etc to support that? As realities in the banking sector and others showed losses and even scandal, the greed in the investment instruments was revealed. Greed leads to rationalization and self-regulation went to the wind… Perpetuating the problem.
Warren Buffet suggested that when the tide goes out, one could see who isn’t wearing any trunks. What is real? So I believe that personal greed was revealed and the resulting impact on our lives is being felt.
So one barometer is the market and the past tells us that it is early into a recession and early out. We were some 13 months into this recession before it was titled as such and history shows that the market will move 6 to 9 months in advance to exit one as well. I think it simply needs to get to where the bottom is supported by giving in to fear in the retail/personal market. That creates a psychological bottom.
The values of the companies are not truly reflected in this market. I believe that the institutions sold off to create the bottom at 7900 and now the retail market has sold off (is selling off), as the pain is so great. People can only live in pain so long and then they come through it and begin to live again. About the time that we surrender, is the time we begin to live … the market is a lot like that.
Watch your own sentiments and the sentiments of others, as people get hopeful. They will spend again, go out again, live again and not be so attached to a number in a 401K as the determination or definition of their value or success as a human being.
Take the blanket away from the child and the child cries for a season and then is free from the attachment to grow more independent. Grief is necessary, after denial, anger and bargaining… and then acceptance and peace will come once again to each individual who doesn’t anesthetize or cheat themselves out of the lessons that are trying to reveal themselves and be introduced to you.
I sense this time in our history carries within it a gift that will be freeing from false security and definition of self. The market was overvalued in greed and now is undervalued in fear. Your value remains the same. Priceless!
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March 13th, 2009 by John Crudele
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January 27th, 2009 by John Crudele
During the six orphanage visits in Asia in December we experienced one orphanage that cared for children with disabilities. Our videographer, Mark Camacho, captured a short video of children feeding each other and we posted it on YouTube. Songwriter Jimmy Scott saw the YouTube clip and wrote a song titled “We’re All in this Together.” Mark then took clips from the visits and edited it to the music. I hope it touches you. Let me know where it takes you and, if you like… share it with others.
“Be the change you desire to see. ” Gandhi
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December 10th, 2008 by John Crudele
The cafeteria is being remodeled at the Bangkok Orphanage. The kids are gathered in the courtyard, where we just serenaded them with song and play. One in our group, Jana Stanfield, can sing and the rest of us are simply stumbling choral backup dancers. Next is lunch, which is brought to them in baskets and trays. We help in passing out the packets of food.
Then our hosts invite us to enter the place where the children are cared for that are unable to walk and, in many cases, even sit up. We remove our shoes as we enter the area, as they are lying on mats and having lunch. The floor is their kitchen table. Let that sink in for a moment. The floor is their kitchen table. My spirit is thinking, I have so much and yet can feel so lacking. I am humbled.
What happened next, I did not expect, was ready for, nor may never ever see again. Children with the most severe handicaps and limited capabilities, spoons in hand… feeding each other. They are unable to feed themselves, so they feed each other. With the little they have, they feed each other.
Charity, care, or compassion? Possibly it’s to simply meet the basic need of eating the only way possible. To forget themselves and to focus on another, they each are fed. They feed each other. The hunger is quenched and the human spirit is touched in the deepest of ways. Through another they are cared for.
Take a look this short video and notice the smiles and ask yourself, “How may I feed another today? Where may I bring a little joy, hope, or show concern? Could it be that in doing so, my soul may the one that is actually fed?” In the background, Jana’s song takes on new meaning, “I want to be your friend, a little bit more…”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73KoDK-Bfqs
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December 10th, 2008 by John Crudele
To visit an orphanage takes you to places you don’t expect. It’s not the place you go to… the orphanage, the kids, the conditions, and the needs. It’s the places in your heart and your own conditions and needs that become opened and exposed. First to yourself and then if you let yourself become vulnerable, to your compadres. As you meet the eyes of a child, a connection is made. As the only language the heart can truly hear is love, when one is in a foreign land, it may be the only one you can communicate.
Today we visited two orphanages in Bangkok, Thailand. The first was for kids with disabilities. We come as six friends and colleagues to see how we may bring some joy, if even for a moment to a child. Scott has toys, stickers and magic tricks. Jana brings her guitar and gift of song. Laurie is ready to lead the Hokey Pokey. Shari will demonstrate the three kinds of laughter. Mark will film and capture some magical moments and me… well I get to share a word or two though the translator and then loose myself in holding children who reach out for hugs or to be picked up.
We are careful ask how we may interact and the do’s and don’ts and protocols. It is our desire to strive to bring dignity to each moment. Yet, once within the orphanage with our gracious hosts from Hope Worldwide… Well it’s six friends and a group of kids.
So in we go for our first visit and within moments it seems that all is forgotten and children begin to coax us out of ourselves with their smiles and hugs. As the barriers of communication begin to quickly drop, so do the walls around our own hearts. It’s the gentle prodding of our play coupled with their joy that meets across the atrium and within moments kids are reaching out for hugs and to be lifted from the concrete, into your caring embrace. Try to set a child down and they lift their feet as to say, “I can’t touch the ground, so not yet. Please, not yet. Just play with me in such a way that I get to be hugged.”
So this morning we both give and receive hugs for hello. The trinkets we leave behind are memories of the play and touch, the smiles and song, the laughter and the grace of connecting hearts… even if for just a moment.
It’s interesting that as we come to reach out, hoping to make even a small difference, they in turn give us a gift of opening our hearts. Often the waves of tears we experience are not about the conditions of the orphanage; it’s the condition of our own hearts being revealed. So you meet and know each other a bit… and yourself even more. Hugs for hello…
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December 8th, 2008 by John Crudele
The new exchange. Oreos. Yep, at 31,162 feet, going 483 mph, with a red hat and head phones for a view and two steps to the latrine, Oreo Cookies have just become the new exchange.
I have allergies to wheat, dairy and sugar. A quick glance at the label of my little four pack and it’s clear this isn’t going to fit in my diet. Not without a bit of mental fog and gas, anyways. But for the guy behind me in seat 23H, now that’s a different story.
Raising up the package of Oreos, I say, “Who wants this, it’s paid for?”
“Mine, I’ll take it, really, it will go with my milk. Are you giving them away…?” the gentleman exclaims with childlike glee. Gosh, his little boy just showed up and he’s off to negotiate a contract and do a quality control check on suppliers in Hong Kong.
Now all of a sudden I’ve become his cabin buddy. Male bonding. You watch my back and I’ll watch yours! At the core it’s the universal value, a thoughtful gesture… simply thinking of others.
Something I can’t eat and could actually harm me becomes a confectionery olive branch or token of camaraderie amongst two strangers. The deeper value is thinking of someone and reaching out when not asked. It’s the thoughtfulness of creating value and finding a way to acknowledge someone and invite in the stranger. The Oreos were simply the metaphor for connection and care.
“Damn, thanks, this is great,” he laughed out as he dipped them in his milk.
Okay, now seat 22J is ready to pass in his tray and his package of Oreos is cracked open, yet still tucked within are three little treasures.
“May I have those?” I ask. Then responding to his quick nod, I lift the package from the tray and holding it above my head I exclaim, “more Oreos,” to the glee of the kid held hostage to a middle-aged body and life of responsibility. A simple pleasure shared.
So today, where can you take something of little tangible value, give it away and in doing so acknowledge the infinite value of another? Where can you create touch or connection and demonstrate care, concern and compassion? Where may a simple spontaneous gesture have a priceless impact on someone’s spirit? Where may even the empty calories of a timeless confectionery bring a smile to the heart of stranger? Where may you bring value to others and share a little bit of yourself today?
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December 7th, 2008 by John Crudele
Here I sit at the airport as I wait to depart to Asia for two weeks of adventure, presentations and orphanage visits with several friends and colleagues. It is a time of introspection when you go this far away to open your heart to the unknown. That is retreat. To take time away to be still, ask bigger questions and reflect upon your life and purpose. It begins by separating yourself from the familiar, the tasks, responsibilities and busyness of the day and asking the questions; “Am I really living the way I want to live? Is this the life that I was given to live, be and do? Is it meaningful, what I choose to trade it all for?”
To have a deeper life, a life filled with meaning, we need to step back and ask deeper questions. It’s within the quality of our questions that we invite new discovery into the fabric of our life.
To step back is to retreat, yet to retreat is not to surrender. When you step back you reflect on your deepest values and priorities and seek where there is alignment. To ask, do my beliefs, goals, and values match my behaviors?
What are the deeper voices within your heart saying about the work, relationships and activities that make up your day? Where do these voices invite you to go, do and be? What if they are telling you the truth about who you are and the course of your journey. What if the quiet whispers within you are not supposed to go away until you respond? What if they are simply there to care for you and invite you to embrace the life you are meant to live? Maybe now it is time to reshape the landscape of your future, work, family and yourself. Will you allow yourself, challenge and even force yourself to slow down and create a space for you and be present? Will you listen?
The next two weeks I travel throughout Asia. The greater distance may very well be the distance from my head to my heart. Possibly the gift that I think I am to travel and deliver to others is really a discovery that is waiting for me. Will I be still, be present and allow for what this all may bring?
Take the time to make way for what’s next for you. Can you take the risk to let go of what may actually stand in the way? Will you retreat, ask new questions or even show up to embrace and hold to the light the promptings that prod at your spirit and want only to give you the gift of a different, more authentic, and fulfilled future… one that celebrates more of who you were created to be… one that says yes to all of you? Rest in the question.
Posted in Change, Reflection | 2 Comments »
November 24th, 2008 by John Crudele
A friend is experiencing her father’s struggle with cancer. There are all the treatments and the hopes of a healing. Then a few nights ago I received a text message and the deep presence of the impending loss of dad. An exchange ensued, which if you reflect upon it, is each of our journeys with loss, change, and the unknown.
“I need prayers for my dad, please!”
JC: Praying…
“Thanks, bad news.”
JC: Yes and trust.
“I’m trying.”
JC: Yes and it’s really hard and it’s supposed to be.
“Doesn’t make it easier to see the suffering. My pain is irrelevant. My dad lived a good life. He deserves much better.”
JC: All pain is relevant.
“I understand. The reality still hurts. You understand.”
JC: Yep and you will in time.
“I don’t’ know. All I know is hurt now.”
JC: Then hurt.
“I am.”
JC: Then you are present.
“I’m in an emotional crisis. I thank you for your prayers. They mean a lot to me.”
JC: Goodnight and peace.
Everyone suffers from time-to-time, as it is part of the human condition. Pain and loss are their own teachers. If you trust, then the process of suffering will introduce you to new gifts of discovery and growth. Please don’t cheat yourself out of this and be gentle and patient with yourself within the shudders of the unknown. Loss is supposed to hurt… and you hurt to heal. In a profound way, it is for you.
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November 16th, 2008 by John Crudele
This morning I slid into the pew at church next to an elderly couple. The gentleman looked up at me as I sat down and I smiled and said, “do you want to snuggle?” He grinned and said no and as he slid over to give me some room and as he did he whispered, “No, I’ll snuggle with her.” I found it so charming as he slid up next to his wife of many years.
“What are your names,” I asked.
“George and Marcile,” he whispered. “We’ve been married 59 years.”
Well, throughout the service I broke from my manners and we kidded back and forth at different times. At one point I managed to drop the kneeler on his foot, which lead to a light rabbit punch on my arm.
At the end of the service during the announcements, our pastor announced the milestone of a couple that had been married for 50 years. During the applause I leaned over and whispered, “amateurs.”
George grinned back and so I went onto say, “They’re just kids.”
At that point George, looked at me and in a matter of fact voice stated, “It’s all in your perspective.”
It does seem that most of life is that way. Our perspectives shape our life, as thoughts are the foundation of beliefs, attitudes and feelings and all actions flow out from them.
As the service ended and we were walking out, I helped George with his cane and asked, “so how did you two meet?”
“Well,” he said. “It was at a mixer in college. I liked her but she didn’t like me at first.”
“Really… why was that?” I said.
“Well, she didn’t like my name, so it took her a while to warm up to me.” George shared, as he smiled and threw a glance Marcile’s way.
“Okay Marcile,” I exclaimed. “What was up with his name?”
Marcile started in, “Well, George was a name from John Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men and there was a cartoon on TV that made George out to be not so favorable. They’d say, Which way did he go, George… and that bothered me for a while.”
Now I am thinking, what’s a while and how long is her while compared to my while. “So uh, Marcile, how long was a while?”
George answer this one himself. “We met in February, I proposed in June and we got married in September.”
“So let me get this straight here. With all the time it took for her to warm up, it took you all the way to June to propose? That’s four whole months!”
He grinned and said, “John, it’s all in your perspective.”
What’s your perspective on the happenings of your work and life? What are the true realities that you cannot change? Then consider, what are the perspectives, the lens, the history and context that you come to these situations with? What would change, if you shifted your perspective? Just a thought… but then everything begins with one.
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